A previous post, Making Connections with Comments, was one I came back to today with my Wrinkles group. I think we made a great leap today. I love it when the learning comes alive. These students are indeed taking good thinking a step further. In turn, the process is going to help them become better writers.
Let me explain. Last week we worked on editing. Hard, hard, hard for fifth graders…. They had written stories where they were to use as many idioms as they could. They swapped papers and shared reactions about the papers. Mostly they would say the story was good, they enjoyed it, it was great, etc. Nice comments yes, but helpful for a struggling writer…no.
Today I handed out printed copies of the idiom stories. Each one had one of their peer’s papers. The task was to read it and write out a specific comment that would include a suggestion for the writer that the writer would find helpful. Once they had written out their comments, each one read it out loud and we discussed the comments as a group. Then each students fine-tuned the original response. This is hard but these students tackled the task and worked through it and came up with some good specific comments for their classmates. Then we were off to the lab to work on our weblogs.
Yes, comments can be an avenue where we teachers can take learning a step further. I bet we could think of lots of other ways to use the comment feature to keep on making good connections.
Listen to the students…..
>Amber suggests that Jackie include more details on one part of the story but during her editing process looks up an idiom herself and learns the true meaning….
Jackie, your story was sensational! It flowed right on from the title to the end. I think you could have added a little more detail in the sentence where you said, “every cloud has a silver lining.” I am not sure what you meant by it. I looked it up and I believe it means… there is always something good in a bad situation. Your mom knew it was an accident and gave you a hug to show that she still loves you!
Jerry requests clarification from Derrick…..
Derrick, I think that you have a good story, but in some parts I didn’t understand what you meant like the pat you said that they were washing their hands of something. Could you add to that part to make it more specific? Keep up the good work!
Emily compiles a concise list of suggesions for Jennifer….
I absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the story! Everything fits well and the idioms were used in the right way. To make it even better you could……
- If the 1st sentence was true, you could put the word literally after haystack.
- You could make it longer by summing up the end better.
- In the 2nd sentence, what do you mean by it?
- If you want to make more sense to the readers, you could change needle in a haystack to something else.
Derrick advises Yoceline about the past tense….
Yoceline, your story was great but I caught that in the first sentance, Call needs to be called because it is past tense. In the 3rd sentence I figured that you could either have a period or make she lower case, but over all it was Great.
As an aside, I love Yoceline’s ending to her story….
“Wrinkles is the best of the four corners of the earth.” I agree! Don’t you think Yoceline hit the nail right on the head?
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